


when you're sad, draw a butterfly

by reallynotpretty



Category: (여자)아이들 | (G)I-DLE
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Seo Soojin Is a Sweetheart, happy ending cuz i can't take another heartbreak, more on the comfort side than hurt i promise, there's yuyeon if you squint, trust the tags guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reallynotpretty/pseuds/reallynotpretty
Summary: Soojin thought she knew what beautiful meant, apparently she didn't until she met Shuhua.or: Shuhua and Soojin have been soulmates since they were kids and when they finally found out, the world seems to be a better place for them.
Relationships: Seo Soojin/Yeh Shuhua
Comments: 23
Kudos: 272





	when you're sad, draw a butterfly

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [когда тебе станет грустно, нарисуй бабочку](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28734732) by [shushusbaobei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shushusbaobei/pseuds/shushusbaobei)



> this story actually got completely out of hand as i progressed through it. i was planning for something short and simple but it deviated the moment i started typing on my goddamned keyboard. you see, this is why i can't have nice things. anyway. this fic was born out of me staying up until 4am almost every day for the past two weeks but! i hope you guys enjoy it.

The first time it happened, Soojin was eight and she’d run home to her mom, proclaiming that she’s possessed by a demon.

Her mom had laughed, ruffled her hair, and with an affectionate smile, she said “are you sure it’s not an angel?”

It was during recess, when Soojin was sitting down on the bench about to take a bite of her sandwich, both of her knees twitched, hitting the edge of the table when it jerked harder the second time, and little Soojin had cried out in pain at the scratching sensation poking sharply at her knee.

But Soojin was too young to understand, so she had just assumed that a satanic being might be tethered to her soul, taking control of her and trying to hurt her. 

The second time it happened, Soojin was ten and she snapped out of being unhealthily immersed in mathematics when she felt an obnoxious sting on her right thigh. Her yelp had prompted her classmates to shoot her incredulous looks and she squirmed uncomfortably under those judgmental eyes.

Soojin thought she had gone crazy.

It took her approximately four more times of unexplained pain on her random body parts that she’d told her mom exactly what was happening to her, her expression pale and terrified.

A hint of realization flashed through her mom's eyes as she rubbed at the spot where Soojin had told her she felt the pang.

“You might just have gotten yourself a soulmate,” her mom had told her, voice gentle.

Later, Soojin learned about a whole lot of things over sharing a cup of hot chocolate with her mom. Things such as: at one point in life, everyone gets to meet their soulmate and they share something incredibly intimate with each other, like grief or happiness.

For Soojin, it seemed like what they shared was physical pain. In other words, whatever pain Soojin was feeling, her soulmate probably felt it too. 

The thought of it scared Soojin more than the demons did. So from that day onwards, Soojin was careful and always hyperaware of her surroundings. She didn’t want to bump into unnecessary objects, or fall down face first on the ground, or cut herself with a fruit knife. The thought of physically hurting another living person indirectly scared her. 

When Soojin was fifteen and had met Soyeon in middle school, she’d told her about how she and her soulmate shared physical pain.

“Damn, that’s rough,” Soyeon grimaced. 

Soojin told Soyeon how it first appeared to her when she was eight, and how it transitioned from her being extremely uncomfortable at the thought to her finally getting used to it after seven years. 

And later, she found out that Soyeon’s been sharing dreams with her soulmate. They couldn’t see each other’s faces in their dreams, no, but they could sense each other’s presence and could even have a normal conversation, which, Soojin thought, was kind of creepy. 

It became a daily conversation for the both of them, and somewhere in between laughter and stories, their friendship blossomed.

But what Soojin didn’t tell Soyeon and her mom was that on the night of Christmas eve, she had to excuse herself in the middle of a family dinner to the safety of her thankfully soundproof sanctuary, hissing at the excruciating pain on her left arm.

At first she’d thought it was just a normal scratch, but each second the pain intensified to the point where she could barely ignore it anymore.

It almost felt as though she was being stabbed in the arm.

Soojin might be young but she’s not an idiot, it only took her two more escapades on the same spot of her left arm to come to the realization of the true meaning behind those terrible pain.

That night, Soojin laid in her bed thinking hard, arms and legs stretched out as wide as they could. She pictured what her soulmate looked like, how their voice sounded, but mainly she was questioning, more to herself than anything, about all the _whys_.

Why did her soulmate hurt themselves? Did they not know that Soojin could also feel all the pain? And why was she hit with an unfamiliar pang of grief?

The sting on her arm went from occurring once every week, to once every two to three days, then to at least once a day. 

And it remained that way for a long, long time and not once had Soojin gotten used to it. She could never get used to knowing that somewhere in the globe, someone human just like her, was cutting themselves on purpose.

At one point, Soojin had cried herself to sleep because the pain in her chest was far more overwhelming than it was on her arm.

Her heart _ached_ for her soulmate, and what’s worse was that there’s not much she could really do about it.

Now, Soojin is twenty and she still feels it every single day. 

She doesn’t think it’s fair. For so many years, Soojin had been so careful, she doesn’t think it’s fair for her soulmate to ignore all the effort she put in just so they don’t feel any pain too noticeable. 

But Soojin is mature enough to understand that sometimes, not everything falls into place and sometimes, not everyone knows how to be happy.

  
  


-

  
  


Soojin is in her freshman year of university when she meets Miyeon and Minnie through Soyeon.

Soyeon is a little annoyed when she tells Soojin that she can’t forever have her as her only friend. _The sole purpose of university is to extend the possibilities of finding your soulmate_ , Soyeon says.

Soojin doesn’t think it’s valid, because the possibilities are as unpredictable and broad as the world it is today.

And what are the odds of her soulmate being in Korea, around the same age as her, and is currently studying in the exact same school? The odds are almost non-existent.

But Miyeon and Minnie are kind people with great personalities and humour who manage to break Soojin out of her little bubble a few months into knowing each other. 

Both of them have been best friends since junior high and they are so inseparable that when Soojin looks at them, she thinks that’s exactly what soulmates would look like.

Suddenly, her mom’s words ring loudly at the back of her head.

_Sometimes, you end up being best friends with your soulmate._

Soojin meets Shuhua when she’s in her sophomore year.

Shuhua is a cute girl of pale skin and big, round eyes who stares at her own reflection in the mirror too much with a blank expression, but her eyes sparkle like constellations in the sky whenever she sees Soojin.

She _clings_ to Soojin like the latter is the pillar of her life and Soojin lets her. After all, how could she not when she sees the way Shuhua’s smile reminisces the sun, the way she bickers with Miyeon over petty shit, and the way she always tells Soojin that she’s pretty like a snowflake.

And although Soojin doesn’t say it, she appreciates Shuhua so, so much because somehow, she makes Soojin forget about all the odds.

During times when it gets too painful, Soojin would bury herself in her blankets and wait. She waits for the pain on her arm to disappear, waits until the twist and turns in her chest to ease, and waits for her soulmate to love themselves again. During times like this, Soojin waits until she’s stable enough to call Shuhua so they can talk about everything and nothing. 

Shuhua is a good distraction.

Sophomore year is also around the time Soyeon finds her soulmate.

No one saw it coming, really.

Soojin is in the middle of telling Shuhua to _fuck off_ because she won’t stop breaking things in the kitchen when Soyeon calls her, her voice explosive and maybe a little out of breath as she sputters out a series of _oh my fucking god_ s in quick succession.

“Stop it,” Soojin hisses at Shuhua when she breaks another egg, and patiently waits for Soyeon to stop hyperventilating so she can tell them what exactly is going on. 

It takes Soyeon about 2 minutes to fully calm down and collect herself, and what comes out of her mouth is enough to make Soojin drop the cutting board that she’s holding, earning a wince from Shuhua.

“Fuck,” Soojin whispers.

Apparently, Soyeon was streaming her self-composed song dedicated to her soulmate on campus radio and two minutes into the song, someone had barged into the studio, successfully scaring the living shit out of Soyeon, and demanded to know _who the hell wrote this song_ , quoted Soyeon.

“When I told her it was me,” Soyeon pauses, gulps down some water, and continues. “She literally pounced on me. It was so fucking cute.”

“Sap,” Shuhua makes a disgusted face that Soyeon can’t see over the phone, and Soojin lets out a soft chuckle.

“Well,” Soyeon provides, too ecstatic to argue with Shuhua. “I guess y’all can come over tonight? So you can meet her.”

“Sure,” Soojin says before the call ends. 

Shuhua won’t say it, but from the way her lips curve up into a small smile, Soojin knows she’s happy for her friend, and so is Soojin. Five years of knowing Soyeon, not one day has passed by that she didn’t tell Soojin what happened in her dream the previous night, and all of them sounded so magical, so beautiful.

Of course, that’s how love is supposed to be, right?

Love is supposed to be like a magical bouquet of flowers, or warm ocean brushing against cold feet, or saying goodbye and knowing that there is going to be a hello somewhere in the future.

Love isn’t supposed to be like what Soojin has to go through every night, painful and suffocating. 

Perhaps Soojin is still too young to understand why every happy ending has to go through so much emotional catastrophes. 

“Unnie, are you excited to meet your soulmate?” Shuhua asks her when they’re cleaning up the mess that the younger girl created, flour and eggshells strewn all over the kitchen counter.

Shuhua’s question is like a bucket of ice cold water splashing right into Soojin’s face, giving her chills. 

Soojin contemplates her answer for a few seconds, and the words roll off her tongue like poison when she blurts out, “not really.”

It’s not all true. A tiny, hidden part of Soojin is yearning to meet whoever’s on the other end of the string that ties them both together because she wants to knock some sense into that person, tell them that she loves them regardless of who they are.

But a huge part of her tells her to run away, chicken out because what if she is not enough for them? What if they never wanted to be helped?

“Really? Why?” Shuhua asks, curiosity written all over her face.

“Just because,” Soojin says, not entirely helpful. She doesn’t want to disclose information that is so private and doesn’t belong to her. She wants to respect her soulmate. “What about you?”

“I’m terrified to meet them,” Shuhua says, her voice uncharacteristically wobbly. 

“Why?”

Shuhua’s teeth gnaw on her bottom lip with worry. “I feel like I’m a terrible soulmate.”

“It’s up for them to decide,” Soojin reassures her, face scrunching up a little bit at her self-deprecating statement. “And you’re not all that bad, maybe a little annoying sometimes, but definitely not terrible,” Soojin adds, ruffling at the younger girl’s hair.

Shuhua snorts as she swats her hand away and mumbles something that Soojin doesn't pay attention to, something along the lines of not wanting the grease on Soojin’s hand to be all over her silky hair, or something.

Soojin just laughs, and for the rest of the day, they spend it with shrieks and laughters and Shuhua’s occasional high-pitched scream echoing through the house.

  
  


-

  
  


In hindsight, Soojin probably should never have allowed Shuhua to drag her to the liquor store before coming to Soyeon’s place.

The Jägermeisters and Jack Daniel’s that they had brought are almost two-third consumed within an hour of stepping into the house, and Soojin is, at that point, a little too late into realizing that all of her friends are alcoholics.

(“When you’re in your final year trying to balance work and courses,” Minnie tells Soojin, an arm resting on her shoulder. “You’d appreciate the drinks.”)

The girl that Soyeon won’t shut up about introduces herself as Song Yuqi. She is surprisingly loud for someone who has the face of an angel and even louder under the influence of alcohol.

And Soojin’s a little surprised because things don’t happen like people expected them to be. There’s no grand opening, and there’s no doves flying above their heads.

Instead, it’s just their eyes twinkling with delight when Yuqi messes up her drink with too much whipped cream and Soyeon calling her a dumbass. Instead, it’s the way they connect instantly without any of them having to say _I love you_ or _you’re my best friend_.

It’s amazing, Soojin thinks, how natural things fall into place on their own.

One and a half hour into watching everyone on their way to wind up completely wasted, Shuhua ends up dragging Soojin out of the house and somewhere inside, Soyeon is laughing rather loudly with Yuqi’s voice screaming over her loud laughter.

They are out in the garden, Shuhua giggling a little bit as she stumbles beside Soojin, their fingers intertwined. 

“Why are we out here?” Soojin asks, though she doesn’t exactly mind. 

Shuhua presses closer to her. “Fresh air,” she simply says.

Well, it’s not like Soojin doesn’t want to be outside. Soyeon’s garden is nice and pretty but Soojin’s afraid that they’d just knocked over a few of her vases in favour of finding the perfect spot to lie down.

“I think we might have just destroyed half of Soyeon’s garden.”

Soojin snorts and chuckles, her hand tugging at Shuhua’s. “We can blame it on Miyeon unnie, say she came out to throw up and we tried to stop her, but she ended up knocking over all the plants.”

Shuhua laughs at that, her smile wide and clear. 

They finally find a good spot, no tree branches to block their view of the night sky, and Soojin plops down, pulling Shuhua a little too roughly beside her. 

The Shock Of Her Life happens right about then. 

Shuhua takes a calculated step forward, sways, and stumbles. Soojin tries to catch her but she’s one step too late, and when Shuhua falls, Soojin flinches at the sudden ache on her back and left elbow, the way they sting identical to Shuhua’s offended parts that came in contact with the ground.

It’s all she can do to stare at the younger girl with absolute terror written all over her face. At first, she thinks that it’s a coincidence, because there is _no fucking way_. 

“No,” Soojin whispers, her breath shaky and weak. “ _No_ ,” she repeats, this time louder and maybe with a hint of anger.

And before Soojin knows it, her hand is reaching out for Shuhua’s shirt and she tugs at the fabric of the sleeves, revealing a part of her arm that the world is not privy to see. 

The orange lights from the house and the moon hanging overhead cast shadows on Shuhua’s face and Soojin can see it clearly when the younger girl’s expression twists into something awful, her gaze heavy with realization. 

“I’m sorry,” Shuhua mutters, voice dripping with hints of guilt. “Shit, unnie, I’m so sorry.”

The night air is chilly but the cold disappears when Soojin pulls Shuhua in for a tight hug. Her hands are shaking and she can’t quite process everything that’s been building up for the past few years. 

Shuhua’s voice is muffled as she croaks out apologies over apologies into Soojin’s shoulder and Soojin wants to tell her to shut up because it’s not her fault, but the words end up getting caught in her throat.

Shuhua looks so vulnerable and raw that it makes Soojin’s chest lean dangerously close to the earth’s core and _burns_ and nothing makes sense to her but _fuck_ if it doesn’t _hurt--_

It hurts Soojin so much because when Shuhua’s not being a big ray of sunshine, no one really sees the way she’s pulled under the current, suffocating. No one really sees her pain and no one understands it, not even Soojin.

That thought is enough for Soojin to draw all the hate to herself because someone who she’s been looking for for so many years, someone who she held so dearly to her heart, is falling apart right before her eyes and she isn’t entirely sure to even know what to do.

They stay in that position for quite some time before Soojin decides to take Shuhua home. They’d sneaked out of the backyard because they don’t need unnecessary attention from their friends who are drunk and have lost their sense of reality. Soojin makes a mental note to text Soyeon later.

On their way home, they stay in a deafening silence. Soojin doesn’t ask any questions and neither does Shuhua, but their hands are always laced together, never letting go.

When Soojin gets home after dropping Shuhua off, she buries herself under layers of pillows and blankets as she bursts out in tears, her heart shattering into a million pieces.

  
  


-

  
  


Soyeon comes over to Soojin’s place the next morning because she knows something is off from Soojin’s text.

Soojin is in her bed when Soyeon walks into her room. She plops herself down beside Soojin and patiently waits for her to be comfortable enough to say what’s on her mind.

And Soojin tells Soyeon everything. The sting, the twist and turn of her chest, Shuhua, everything.

She expects Soyeon to be mad, because it might seem like she didn’t trust her friend enough to disclose all this information to her. But instead, Soyeon just offers her a weak smile, her hand drawing little, soothing circles on the back of Soojin’s hand.

They stay in what Soojin considers the most comfortable silence for the rest of the time, just soft music playing in the background from Soyeon’s phone as they slowly doze off.

Before Soyeon leaves, she turns around, and her eyes are genuine when she tells Soojin, “you know, Shuhua used to tell me that she wanted to be happy,” she pauses as she puts on her shoes, and with a final smile, she adds, “maybe all these years, you’re the one that she really needed.”

  
  


-

  
  


It’s been five days since they found out and Soojin hasn't seen Shuhua in any of those days. 

Shuhua is avoiding her because she thinks that it’s her fault and Soojin resents her for being her soulmate, doesn’t she? 

It’s so far from the truth that Soojin could laugh at the situation.

So, when Soojin feels like her left arm is burning on the night of the fifth day, she forgoes her assignment that is due in two hours to drop by Shuhua’s dorm. 

It’s a twenty minute walk from her house and by the time she reaches Shuhua’s doorstep, she doesn’t feel like her arm is on fire anymore but her insides are exploding.

She knocks on the door and after eight minutes of silence, she mentally pats herself on the shoulder for remembering the passcode that Shuhua had given her some time ago (Shuhua’s a bit too lazy to have to get out of bed to get the door every time Soojin comes over, thus).

Upon entering the dorm, Soojin walks straight towards Shuhua’s room and when she opens it, she sees Shuhua curled up in the corner of her bed, face buried in her knees.

Soojin slowly walks towards her and sits down at the corner of the bed, and the motion seems to surprise Shuhua enough that she lifts her head up.

“Unnie, what are you doing-”

“Yeh Shuhua,” Soojin begins, her eyebrows furrowed into a tight frown. “You fucking _idiot_.”

And yes, Soojin’s downright pissed. She doesn’t understand why Shuhua chooses to be alone when she’s in pain, doesn’t understand why she can’t see Soojin, can’t hear her silent _I’m here for you_.

The way Shuhua’s tears sparkle and lips pressed against each other to a thin line have at least softened Soojin up and she exhales a loud sigh, muttering a quiet “why” along the way.

“Unnie,” Shuhua says carefully, eyes looking everywhere but Soojin. “It must’ve been hard for you, right? Having me as your soulmate.”

“It’s harder to watch you like this,” Soojin says, her hand automatically reaching out for Shuhua’s and when they touch, it sends sparks down her arm. Vaguely, she wonders if Shuhua had felt it too.

Shuhua tightens her grip on Soojin’s hand as she finally musters enough courage to stare straight into Soojin eyes--she’s searching for something, searching for compassion, for pity, for love, for understanding, for sincerity, she’s searching, and Soojin hopes she finds what she’s looking for. 

Shuhua takes a deep, rattling breath, and blinks furiously. Soojin is so close that she can see little teardrops clinging to Shuhua’s eyelashes.

It seems that Shuhua’s finally found what she’s been searching for inside of Soojin because she falls weakly against her, her voice a bit shaky when she says, “The thought first occurred to me when I was fourteen, I don’t know why or how but it just did. I tried to resist it but soon gave in to the addiction when I found comfort in it.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, I guess I was insecure, and it’s been building up for a long time,” and just as Soojin thinks that maybe Shuhua’s done crying, a fresh wave of tears wet her eyeframe and dampens Soojin’s shirt.

But Soojin doesn’t mind, she doesn’t care about the state of her shirt. In this one moment, all she cares about is Shuhua, about the beautiful, broken girl who doesn’t see herself the way Soojin sees her.

Shuhua deserves the whole world and more--she deserves all the love there is.

“I was so scared,” Shuhua’s calmed down a little bit but her nose is still red. “That night, when we found out, I was so fucking scared that you’d just hate me. I thought I lost you and I-”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Soojin cuts her off sharply. There are a million thoughts that've been running through Soojin’s mind but hatred is never one of them, because how could she? “I’m not going anywhere, Shuhua.”

Shuhua’s crying again but this time it isn’t out of hurt or sadness, this time it’s because she’s overwhelmed, happy, even, if her smile is anything to go by.

Shuhua smiles through her tears and it’s like a cup of warm coffee on a cold morning, soothing and calming.

Soojin doesn’t even know when she’d started crying but she is and Shuhua is wiping at the tears. “Shit, now I feel like an asshole for making you cry,” she says.

At that, Soojin manages a soft chuckle and she is still holding Shuhua’s hand, doesn’t even think about letting her go.

And that night, they lay in bed side to side, shoulders touching, as they talk and talk and talk. They talk until Shuhua’s back to her bubbly self again, talk until Soojin starts feeling giddy from the lack of sleep and maybe from the scent of Shuhua’s shampoo, and talk until the sun is dawning.

“We should probably go to sleep,” Shuhua says as she yawns.

“I have a lecture in two hours,” Soojin groans, the thought about having to attend her boring PSYCH2100 lecture at 9am without any sleep haunts her.

Shuhua whines as she presses closer to Soojin, arms going around her waist. “Skip it.”

It might be the drowsiness, it might be the rays of light shining through the cracks of the curtains and onto her eyes, but she finds it hard to reject the younger girl.

Funny, how Soojin can never say no to Shuhua.

It’s always been like that, but somehow, it doesn’t bother her.

  
  


-

  
  


Sometimes, Shuhua calls Soojin in the middle of the night when she feels like things are closing in on her and she can’t deal with it by herself.

Soojin complains all the time because _it’s 3am in the morning, Shuhua, what the fuck?_ But stays on the line anyways.

It soon becomes a routine that Soojin will never admit she’s growing fond of, although her sleep is unfortunately being sacrificed. 

  
  


-

  
  


“There’s this saying,” Soojin pauses as she traces the black inking pen across Shuhua’s wrist in tiny lines and circles. “When things get too hard, eventually everything will be okay after you draw a butterfly.”

Across her, sitting on the booth in the cafeteria, comes Shuhua’s incredulous “what kind of saying is that?”

“A saying,” Soojin simply offers, earning a groan from the other girl. She bites on her lower lip as she finishes off the final trace and lifts Shuhua’s wrist up when she’s done. “Look.”

She sees Shuhua’s thumb going over the pretty, little drawing of a butterfly on her wrist and when Shuhua’s lips curve up into a small smile, Soojin uncontrollably smiles too.

“What does it do?” Shuhua asks, eyes still glued to the drawing.

“It’s like a reminder. As long as the butterfly is still there on your wrist, you are not allowed to hurt yourself.”

There’s a flash of uneasiness across Shuhua’s face, but it disappears quick enough that Soojin doesn’t pick up on it. “Okay,” she says softly.

“You have to promise me that you’d try,” Soojin’s pinky is hanging in the air, waiting for an answer.

Shuhua takes it without hesitation. “I promise.” 

The butterfly stays there as Shuhua drags Soojin to a cafe 5 minutes away from campus because the food in the cafeteria tastes like mud. It stays there as Shuhua keeps dragging Soojin until they find a good spot on a hill nearby in favour of watching the sun set. It stays there as Soojin notices the way Shuhua looks at her.

“Why do you look at me like that?”

“Like what?” 

“Like I’m the sunset instead.”

Shuhua’s laugh echoes around them and her eyes are twinkling when she says, “maybe because you are, unnie.”

Soojin snorts at Shuhua’s boldness. “That’s like, the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard coming out of a person’s mouth.”

“But you liked it,” Shuhua’s smile is playful now, and Soojin tries her best to ignore the sudden flush creeping up her neck and to her cheeks.

“Shut up.”

As the sun disappears into the landscape, the sky displays different hues of pink and orange with a few small fluffy clouds dotting the skyline. And as they walk back home under the beautiful shades, Soojin thinks she knows why her heart always feels like it’s smiling whenever Shuhua’s around.

After they part ways and Soojin is in her bed scrolling through her phone, the realization comes hitting her like a rock. 

For the first time in years, there’s no pain on her arm. For the first time in years, she goes to sleep with her chest feeling at ease.

  
  


-

  
  


Shuhua comes over to Soojin’s place more often than ever and Soojin likes to think that it’s because Shuhua is opening up to her, and she understands that open hearts are always hearts that are ready to heal.

“Do you not have anything better to do other than coming here?” At one point, Soojin asks Shuhua because it’s the fourth time in the week that she’s here and although Soojin enjoys her presence, she doesn’t enjoy Shuhua wiping out all of her snacks and making a mess in her living room.

“No,” is Shuhua’s short answer. “Besides, you cook really well.”

Soojin rolls her eyes. “I should get paid for doing this shit.”

Miyeon and Minnie join in sometimes, too. It takes approximately fifteen jokes about them not understanding how Soojin can miss out on her soulmate after knowing Shuhua for so long to her indignant “get out of my house” that Soojin snaps.

Miyeon only laughs and Minnie shakes her head. The only reason why Soojin even lets them in her house is because they always bring over a handful of snacks, which, of course, eventually disappear because Shuhua has no sense of moderation when it comes to food.

In Soojin defense, though, she did take a liking almost instantly when she met Shuhua for the first time, and although the word soulmate is just as it is suggested-- _soul_ mates, two souls tied together for an inexplicable reason, it’s really just two human beings destined to meet each other.

Some people fall in love immediately, some people take their time, some people become best friends. As for Soojin and Shuhua, they are something between a fairy tale and a bittersweet bedtime story. 

Soojin doesn’t exactly know when or how, but she notices the little changes. Like how Shuhua occasionally steals subtle glances from her and how she always finds her way to snuggle close to Soojin. 

Soojin doesn’t mind though. 

She’s gotten used to these changes, so she really shouldn’t be surprised when one day, Shuhua pulls her in to press a quick kiss on her lips. She also shouldn’t be surprised when her hands unknowingly goes around Shuhua’s neck to pull her into another kiss, this time slow and sweet.

When they pull away, Shuhua smiles at her with flushed cheeks and wide eyes, laughing before she says “wow.”

Soojin laughs and echoes her sentiment, a little out of breath, “wow.”

  
  


-

  
  


Soojin realizes what it is when she kisses the girl whose smile tips her off balance but her kisses catch right onto her, preventing her from falling.

It didn’t happen like in the movies, the world didn’t stop and there isn’t any melody playing in the background, not really. 

It happened somewhere in between their constant bickering, Shuhua falling asleep on Soojin’s lap when they’re watching shitty romance movies, and their hands always finding their way to each other, intertwining once they touch.

Soojin can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but she knows she’s in love. 

The first time Shuhua tells her she loves her, Soojin calls her a sap and nudges her softly in the ribcage.

But later, when Soojin tells her that she loves her back, she makes sure Shuhua knows it’s true and real. And when Soojin tells her that she’s beautiful, she makes sure Shuhua believes it.

And Shuhua does believe it. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> on a more personal note: i actually reflected my own experience into this story and although it's been a while since, this fic is still extremely triggering for me to write. cutting is an addiction that once you fall into it, it's hard to get out. mainly i wrote this to remind myself that nothing is more important than self-love. so, put yourself first no matter what, sometimes it's okay to be selfish.


End file.
